As most everyone who reads this blog knows, I tell two types of stories which might be broadly classified as 1. Death, and 2. Why I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deserve opposable thumbs. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m leading off with another how-can-I-still-be-alive tale because I did the death thing last week with that dog story. <\/p>\n
Every Sunday I make a week\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s worth of breakfast drink for Diane. I pile a combination of fruit, bran, soy milk, orange juice and maybe a cup or two of whatever Odwalla\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on sale into a blender and create a home-fashioned smoothie. Some weeks it tastes better than others, it just depends on how \u00e2\u20ac\u0153healthful\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I make it. Too much bran, too many seedy blueberries and too much flax seed and you have something that slides down like lumpy mashed potatoes.<\/p>\n
Because our blender is broken, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been using Flo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s antique. It’s a spiffy metal and glass machine, and you can imagine smartly turned-out, red-dressed Betty Crocker using it to whip up a milk shake, or Flo preparing her patented raw egg, egg nogs to fortify her daughters brains for those midday exams. What you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine is any kind of updated electrical safety design. <\/p>\n
This past Sunday I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got my concoction so tightly packed into the glass container that the blades are barely turning. Until, that is, I lift off the lid and instantly turn myself and the kitchen into a mad scientist\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s experiment gone awry. <\/p>\n
Flustered and frantic about the mess, I remove the jar and plunk the still-gleaming chrome base covered in red glop into the kitchen sink and begin spraying off the sides. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all working quite well until I realize I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve failed to unplug the thing. I hesitate a moment fearing electrocution. I think about unplugging it, but then I decide instead to touch the thing. I wish I hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t done that. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As most everyone who reads this blog knows, I tell two types of stories which might be broadly classified as 1. Death, and 2. Why I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deserve opposable thumbs. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m leading off with another how-can-I-still-be-alive tale because I did … Continue reading