Locking Yourself Out, Then Trying to Get Back In<\/p>\n
You simply go out and shut the door
\nwithout thinking. And when you look back
\nat what you’ve done
\nit’s too late. If this sounds
\nlike the story of a life, okay. <\/p>\n
It was raining. The neighbours who had
\na key were away. I tried and tried
\nthe lower windows. Stared
\ninside at the sofa, plants, the table
\nand chairs, the stereo set-up.
\nMy coffee cup and ashtray waited for me
\non the glass-topped table, and my heart
\nwent out to them. I said, Hello, friends,
\nor something like that. After all,
\nthis wasn’t so bad.
\nWorse things had happened. This
\nwas even a little funny. I found the ladder.
\nTook that and leaned it against the house.
\nThen climbed in the rain to the deck,
\nswung myself over the railing
\nand tried the door. Which was locked,
\nof course. But I looked in just the same
\nat my desk, some papers, and my chair.
\nThis was the window on the other side
\nof the desk where I’d raise my eyes
\nand stare out when I sat at that desk.
\nThis is not like downstairs, I thought.
\nThis is something else. <\/p>\n
And it was something to look in like that, unseen,
\nfrom the deck. To be there, inside, and not be there.
\nI don’t even think I can talk about it.
\nI brought my face close to the glass
\nand imagined myself inside,
\nsitting at the desk. Looking up
\nfrom my work now and again.
\nThinking about some other place
\nand some other time.
\nThe people I had loved then. <\/p>\n
I stood there for a minute in the rain.
\nConsidering myself to be the luckiest of men.
\nEven though a wave of grief passed through me.
\nEven though I felt violently ashamed
\nof the injury I’d done back then.
\nI bashed that beautiful window.
\nAnd stepped back in. <\/p>\n
Raymond Carver<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Locking Yourself Out, Then Trying to Get Back In You simply go out and shut the door without thinking. And when you look back at what you’ve done it’s too late. If this sounds like the story of a life, … Continue reading