Diane, Matthew and Brian boarded flight 5807 lifting off from Dress Memorial in Evansville at 10:09 a.m.. I waved goodbye and drove back to my father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house. I had a huge list of to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s before the to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s birthed new to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. The first, a drive to the elder law attorney where my father signed his Living Will, his Last Will and Testament, and a document that would empower Brian to make medical decisions should my father lose his capacity to do so. From there we drove to the First Federal Bank to transfer funds to Mack\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Fifth Third Bank checking account. Chunky important stuff, mostly done. <\/p>\n
Tomorrow I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probate my mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s will and retrieve a death certificate to enable banks to release joint funds. The last task, before I return home, paying for Helen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s end of life expenses.<\/p>\n
Tired, I returned to Jeff and Karen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s to make the last two calls of the day. The first to Diane and the second to Adam. As I moseyed outside in the dark, cell phone in hand, ozone at peak levels, heat rising from the pavement, I saw my bent and weary father shuffling past. A lonely and sad figure to be sure. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would you like company?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you wish.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
The Ruthenburg\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s live four short blocks from my father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not much of a walker and I assumed we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d cut back towards Bellemeade, but instead, we walked away, past the local library towards Washington Street. Whenever I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d suggest an about face, Mack would forge ahead. I believe he needed help sleeping. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What is Peter going to do?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll head back to Hawaii Saturday, but he may be moving back here for awhile.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is that a smart move?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Peter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s teaching English to Japanese residents and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s making money, so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d say, yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How long was he in Hawaii? Ten, twenty years?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eighteen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a long time to pull up and leave. And Joan and Paul?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know about them. But I want to tell you what I did today. I dropped in on both shifts at the hospice center. I thanked them for their care of Helen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who did you talk to?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mary Ann on evenings. I called her Jersey Girl because she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s from somewhere near Newark. And Rebecca from nights. I wanted to see Darcy who works days but she was on vacation. Tomorrow I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go to Patchwork Central to ask them to mail me a list of donors. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll write the thank you notes, with help from Jeff and Karen, who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make the personal connections to Helen.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a good thing to do. Very good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
We walked on until I noticed my father trailing farther behind. I slowed, but he slowed some more, and then he placed his hand on his chest where all the heat and humidity had come to rest. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you need to sit down?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t catch my breath.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
I helped him down onto a terraced curb. We weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sitting in the street but just behind the sidewalk. There were no other pedestrians.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My chest hurts, and right here (he moved his right hand up and down his left arm) it hurts like you wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
When I was a boy I had a reputation for never complaining. After I dropped a heavy barbell on my head, at fourteen, my parents were much more worried about my complaints than the blood streaming down the side of my neck. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Like you wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe\u00e2\u20ac\u009d focused my attention.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can tell you exactly what this is, Mack. There are few things I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m as certain about as this. Do you want to hear?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go \u00e2\u20ac\u02dchead,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said as he stood up ready to move on. I looked around for the nearest return street and open stores where I might get help.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re having classic angina symptoms. Or even heart attack symptoms. Do you want me to describe exactly what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happening?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153My heart can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t keep up?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not what I was going to say, but, yes. Your heart isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t keeping up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
My father seemed to catch his breath, and I thought I should sit him down and run back for my truck, but I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t leave him alone. The rhythmic sounds of crickets behind us clashed with the roar of cars and busses. I was nervous, but not overly so. Peter had described similar symptoms while he was walking with my father.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s medication that will treat your pain. If you were younger, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have surgery, but this medicine reallly works. Faster than an aspirin for a headache.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How much is it? About twenty-five dollars a pill?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure that would be my first concern, but, no, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been around forever and I suspect it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s quite cheap.<\/p>\n
We walked another block, finally away from the busy lighted street and into the dark. Mack stopped and fumbled for another place to sit. I helped him down onto a chipped concrete stoop leading to a side porch. <\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can hardly breathe,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, and then began throwing up. You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get more textbook than this, and I drifted back twenty-five years to the woman I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d walked away from at Emerson Hospital. As a Respiratory Therapist I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d set-up her oxygen after her transfer from the Cardiac Care Unit. She arrested after I walked out of her room.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look, I could call an ambulance. Anyone else would. I should call an ambulance. But let me try Jeff first.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
I walked back to the corner to pin point where we were. I thought I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to lose my father less than a week after my mother. I imagined my cell phone call to Diane, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I went for a stroll with Mack and now he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dead at my feet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I also pondered, somewhere in my now-fatalistic psyche, that this would be alright – if it happened soon. If he arrested five or ten minutes from now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to stand up to withering questions from my family. I looked back to see Mack belching and covering his mouth as stomach fluid spilled past his hands. I called my friend, Jeff, for help but only heard the faint, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please leave us a message.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jeff, pick up. Jeff, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s me and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important, please pick up. I know I sound like you when you call home, just waiting around for an answer, but please pick up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to alarm him by describing what was happening so I blabbed on, waiting. I hung up and called back five times in a row, letting the phone ring but hanging up before the answering machine kicked in. Finally I called 911.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Emergency services.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Michael Miller and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m on the corner of Grand and Washington. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m with my father who is ninety-two and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s having classic angina or heart attack symptoms. Chest pain, shortness of breath and severe pain down his left arm. Plus he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throwing up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is he cold and clammy?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not diaphoretic.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s his skin color?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell; it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dark out. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s standing up again, let me ask him how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an ambulance on the way now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
I could hear the sirens in the distance and I hung up.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mack, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an ambulance coming.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He looked panicked and angry. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you cancel it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s too late, but once they get here we can send them on their way. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d prefer they check you out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
I waved my arms as paramedics Joe and Courtney jumped out of the ambulance.<\/p>\n
I described my father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s symptoms and what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d said about his heart not keeping up. I also told them his wife died last week, but that he was embarrassed and wanted them to leave. I said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My father is from Kansas,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d as if that would explain it all.<\/p>\n
After I apologized to Joe, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He can die walking around the block but not on my shift,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d we shooed them away. My father and I resumed our impossibly long walk back to Bellemeade. He chattered on about how the city blocks are half as long in one direction as in the other, about the dead tree in the park and why it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been cut down, but nothing more about his heart. We finally arrived at his house and he said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You walked me to my house; how about if I walk you to yours?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How about if you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And how about next time we take a shorter walk?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Diane, Matthew and Brian boarded flight 5807 lifting off from Dress Memorial in Evansville at 10:09 a.m.. I waved goodbye and drove back to my father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house. I had a huge list of to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s before the to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s birthed new to-do\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. … Continue reading