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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Worst That Could Happen

The rakkities are risking a trip to Italy in May. (Manarola, in Cinqueterre on May 9-12, then Pisa, then Sicily and the Aeolian Islands, May 15-22.)

MAY 2008 HEADLINES

May 7. Alitalia airlines goes bankrupt, IATA revokes Alitalia’s license before a buyout can occur. Newly elected Prime Minister Berlusconi promises that his government will fix the situation when he comes into power.

May 10. Repeating the events of December, 2002, landslides in cliffs of Cinqueterre close train line connecting cities. Travelers staying in Cinqueterre’s towns must walk out of the National Park region, following ancestral routes through the terraced vineyards.

May 13. Railroad strikes stop train traffic across Italy. Anti hitch-hiking laws are not enforced, permitting disgruntled travelers to gradually move towards their destinations.

May 14. Tower of Pisa unexpectedly collapses. Unfortunately it falls onto the spectacular Baptistry in historic center. Carnage closes city.

May 15. Alitalia’s flights from northern Italy to Sicily become intermittent. Only flights between
midnight and 4 am on Mondays and Thursdays operate until further notice.

May 17. Mt Etna erupts, pouring lava down onto Catania and neighboring towns, repeating the disaster of 1992. Routes to Syracuse and Ortegia are closed, forcing locals to take boats or roundabout land routes.

May 18. Ever-rumbling Stromboli, highest and most active of the Aeolian Island volcanoes, creates a tsunami worse than the one of 2002, flooding the neighboring Islands, forcing residents and travelers to seek high ground.

May 19. Prime Minister Berlusconi eliminates all Federal taxes. Citizens celebrate with massive wine fests across Italy. Taxis, buses, and ferries become more erratic than usual.

May 20. Air France buys Alitalia at fire-sale price of 25 Euro-cents per share. Alitalia’s pilots and airline workers quit in disgust.

May 21. British Airways workers cannibalize old terminal 4 at Heathrow, while re-constructing terminal 5. Incoming flights from continental Europe are stopped from landing at Heathrow. Connections to the United States fail. Travellers stranded in Europe, some happy, some not.

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Some of these events are currently in progress or promised, others having happened in the past. But what the heck, you can’t worry in Italy. Good meals of fine pasta with excellent Italian house wine are ever available, regardless of the chaos.

-rakkity

posted by michael at 12:11 pm  

7 Comments »

  1. You’ve a colorfully pessimistic imagination for an inhabitant of the Eden they call Boulder (where I thought the clean air and abundance of artistic lattes made all glasses half full or better … ), but I daresay you’ve only scratched the surface of TWTCH. But well leave it as if it WERE hyperbole and investigate no further — your closing thought about good meals regardless is all the positive attitude you’ll need. Buon viaggio, care amici — ricontatenoi dei vostri avventuri a’l suoi ritorno! E con molti imagini, sicuro … ! (Sottoscritto: questo soltanto ha l’implicazione di sere veramente Italiano — ho dimenticato troppo … ).

    Comment by el Kib — April 16, 2008 @ 6:57 pm

  2. All the rakkities?

    Comment by michael — April 16, 2008 @ 7:19 pm

  3. I’m out of it. (I think it must be time for a vacation!) It wasn’t until I got to the Tower of Pisa collapse that I looked again at the dates, and registered that you were predicting rather than recapping. But have a great trip, and thanks for warning us about the upcoming dry patch, in terms of blog entries from Boulder. I know Jen and El Kib will do their parts, though.

    Comment by jennifer — April 16, 2008 @ 7:40 pm

  4. There’s gonna be another dry patch…The day after tomorrow I’m heading for the blank places on the map in that state just to the west of Colorado. No cell phones, no, internet, no lattes. Just canyons, wildflowers, and the lonesome calls of the coyotes.

    Unfortunately, trip #1 is only one rakkity & two beartoothers, and trip #2 is the two older rakkities. The 2 younger rakkities do, after all, have to earn their livings.

    Speaking of rakkit…I almost forgot! Tomorrow morning I’m playing racquetball with an old friend and a new friend. Hope there is no major epic to tell afterwards.
    But I should somehow justify my nom de plume. I’ll take notes.

    Comment by rakkity — April 17, 2008 @ 12:00 am

  5. Can’t wait for both picture sets! Have a great time. Hannah says the weather is just fine. Sunny and 70s in the north, 80s in the south.

    Comment by Jen — April 17, 2008 @ 9:26 am

  6. Hannah says? How about Hannah’s pictures of?

    Comment by michael — April 17, 2008 @ 12:40 pm

  7. She’s off the grid now. Those pics were when she was based in Lugano. Now she’s in Positano with no computer or a camera cable. We’ll just have to wait till she is back on the 27th.

    At this moment they are probably climbing Mt. Vesuvius or touring Pompeii.

    Comment by Jen — April 19, 2008 @ 9:14 am

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