I am told I wear my heart on my sleeve. But this is ridiculous. Last night, 7Pm walking into Main Street café for dinner and some tunes.

Waitress: “Dinner?”

Me: “Yes, please. Can I sit here? (pointing to one of the many empty tables at the front)

Waitress: “No that’s probably taken.”

Me: (staring hard at all the empty tables now).” Probably? How about these?? Are they reserved?”

Waitress: “Well no. (pause) But they might be…..”

Me: (still confused… giving up)…”Ok. I’ll sit at the Bar.”

Waitress: “Oh no, why don’t you sit here?” (points to the long table at the back where a man is already sitting)

She pulls out the chair next to him…

Me:  “But the bar is fine. And he’s sitting here?”

Waitress: “It’s ok. He’s single and very nice.”

Me: “I’m just looking for dinner. Really. Nothing more.”

Guy:  “I’m married”.

Me:  “I’m embarrassed. How do you do?”

“License and registration please.”

“Here’s my license but my registration is in the back.”

“Why?”

“It’s with the manual and … .”

“You know why I stopped you?”

“I do.”

“You roared away from the light.”

“I know. I spent the morning at Sweet Bites drinking coffee and I have to pee. For emphasis I grabbed my crotch. “I know it’s a lousy excuse.”

“You might say it’s a piss poor excuse.”

“You might.”