The plan: Surprise Dan
The reason: He’s sixty
The ruse: Ask him to help me work at my house while his party gets prepped.
The sketchy part: Get him back to his house by 4:30 PM where the assembled throng awaits.

Dan and Adam arrive at my house around eleven, and after coffee and talk we begin installing replacement windows in my living room. We work through the lunch hour, after all they didn’t show up until nearly noon, and by 2 PM the windows are in with just a few trim details remaining. We break for lunch, and by 2:45 Dan is grumbling about how he’s done for the day. Nay, nay, I say, there is much more to be done.

The problem is, when Dan’s decided he’s done enough work, he always then leaves. Like a launched cruise missile, you can’t deter him. I know because we have a long history of working together. I call Linda to make sure our timing is right and she says keep him until 4 PM. I say I might have to break his legs and she says ok.

We go back to work, Dan finishes the last window around four, and I think we’re in the clear. Except that I head for the bathroom and when I return I find Dan stretched out with his eyes closed in Diane’s new reclining back chair.

“Dan, I’m going to take a shower,” I say.

“Fine,” he says.

“All I’m saying is I won’t be around in case you LEAVE,” I say.

“Fine,” he says, and proceeds to ask Matt for and then play with Matt’s new iPhone.

“Matt, where are your contacts”? Dan ask as he taps on the touch screen.

Oh nooooo, I think to myself.

Fifteen minutes go by (I imagine the assembled crowd back at the party site is getting restless) and I call Linda. “Linda, he hasn’t left yet but he tells me he’s going to in ten minutes. That gets him back to your house in twenty-five minutes.”

Sure enough, Dan finally leaves and Diane and I rush to change into our party clothes so we too may have some of those tasty appetizers catered by La Provence. We’re showered and dressed in ten minutes, and as we skate through the kitchen to exit our house in comes…. DAN.

“What are you doing here?” I try not to shout.

“I forgot my cell phone,” Dan replies.

“I would have brought it to you,” I say, almost letting the cat out.

“To my house? “ Dan asks.

“Yeah, we’re going to Bob and Mary’s for dinner.” Bob and Mary live near Dan, and I feel quite proud to come up with a reason to return the phone and to explain our pressed shirts and polished shoes.

Dan leaves the house, takes forever to get back into his car and out of the driveway, and I call Linda with a final update before we hit the road.

Was Dan surprised to see his street lined with cars? Damn right, he was.

Thanks to many, but first to his son Jim who initiated the event.

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