Usually people with nothing to say are hard to avoid and corner you for hours, but it’s hard to get to this entry that says nothing, and is called nothing. Well, it’s hard to get BACK to it, at least.
Thanks, I figured. Lew has agreed to come, and I got tickets. Neither Hilary nor Zeke will get home until Monday after the film festival is over. Oh, well.
Though it is a family affair, it seems to me the parents might benefit the most from the discussion after the film. It’s hard to know.
A very close friend once described to me what food meant to her. Her words so graphic her description almost lurid, it altered my understanding of why some people eat. I was thinking this thing at the MFA might change my understanding of sexual orientation. Seems to me, given our earlier correspondence, I need a little of that.
Well, this particular film comes at the end of almost two weeks of films about gender issues … maybe another one would speak to you. But as you say, it’s the parents who potentially would benefit the most, so in your case you don’t need to change plans.
Yes, we’ll be there. Now, were you inviting the reason we’re getting together (a.k.a. the college crowd)? I mean, it seems to me that by then, we may need to get away from them again.
Hey, is there any way to link this fascinating conversation back into the continuum of entries?
And finally, what did you mean by “I may have said what I said, but that doesn’t mean what I said was right.” I mean, I detected 1 error, 1 ambiguity, and 1 opinion statement on which I differ in the sentence “Though it is a family affair, it seems to me the parents might benefit the most from the discussion after the film” but … which thing wasn’t “right”, and do you mean accurate or moral?
You’d make a good inquisitor at Abu Ghraib. I meant that on further reflection I’m not confident about any of my opinions.
What do you mean by continum of entries? Comments appear in recent comment fields. And when are you going to enlighten the rest of the readers? Or is this a private conversation between you and me.
I’m looking forward to reconnecting with all of Matt’s friends. Planning that camping trip as we speak.
I meant the forward/back arrows don’t work, and I can’t click on the blog entry title in the “recent commments” column because there isn’t one.
I was going to enlighten other readers when they express interest. So far, no apparent interest. I was thinking of mentioning that one of the suggested themes of the next potluck — sisters — is newly problematic for one of your invitees, but like I said, no apparent interest. Have you been getting off-line questions?
Of course, maybe the readers are worried about “How to Respect a Transsexual Person” so … here’s a useful link. http://www.kisa.ca/respect.html On the other hand, Hilary and I have agreed that the trans person we know and love doesn’t read the blog, so maybe I should have found a link for “How not to offend a trans person’s relatives”.
Oh, ok Rak. I’ll be a little less opaque. A month ago, if you’d asked me if I had children, I’d have said, “Yes, two daughters. They’re at college.” Or something like that. This week I have to decide whether to keep it simple (“two”), lie (lots of ways to do that), or tell a long or short truth because my firstborn child would like to be called by a name normally associated with the male gender. I think the person in question actually wants to challenge societal norms of gender as a binary rather than change from “female” to “male” … if you follow. And I think s/he knows that we won’t move from thinking about hir as a female unless ze goes beyond gender-neutral pronouns to male pronouns. But I’m actually not sure — just that use of male pronouns was requested, and that shopping help is being requested this weekend. (Help! What can other moms tell me about clothes-shopping with adult sons who have always hated to shop so much that they don’t?)
Do read that link in 11.
I’ll conclude by saying this hasn’t been my idea of a Mother’s Day present … but then again it was not intended as such. I remind myself this isn’t about me.
What a good response, Chris. As to surprise factor — about as much of a surprise as Lew getting laid off on Tuesday — that is to say: “Yes totally” and “Not really” at the same time. (I.e. Lew had been working with the people in Brazil who will do the department’s work for a few years now; and he’s been taking courses for a complete change of career, but still. And La Gata had been wearing guy clothes and talking about trans issues for years too, while denying she was thinking about it for herself. In fact — I had forgotten this — when she visited colleges, the question she asked the admissions people was how do they handle transgendered students. Again, she said it was just to get a sense of how open they were, not for any personal reasons, and I think that was true at the time.)
“Yes totally” and “Not really”. That’s a great way to put it. You have a lot on your plate right now. I read your link and realized how ignorant I am myself. I am glad Zeke felt safe enough to share this with you.
Years ago, one of my astronomer friends made a gender transition. Initially it was very difficult for him, and he only cross-dressed at parties, so everyone thought he/she was just “partying”. But finally she came out as a real woman, and now everyone accepts her as she is–including the major corporation where she works and NASA.
I hope the reverse transition for your child works out as well. Being younger will make it harder, I suppose, but it’s important to enlist friends and relatives to give support.
I’m sure there is confusion on your part about what your child is thinking and feeling and how he has grappled with personal identity. I can’t imagine what you are going through; emapthy and sympathy for his struggle, worry and concern for his acceptedness in society, how you feel about it personally. But I do know that if any family can can manage this, it’s yours. You are open minded, accepting and loving.
He went to Matt’s hair person today, with La Chica’s support. Right now it seems that he wants to be considered male and called such by friends and family, but he doesn’t seem at all concerned that no one would guess he is male. I find that odd because I’ve known so many boys who felt humiliated to not be clearly identifiably male, and I’ve always felt embarrassed if I’m not sure whether someone I hear on the phone or meet in public is male or female. And my sense is that one part of one trans community uses and reinforces gender stereotypes while another part or another community is trying fiercely to undercut those same gender stereotypes. In some ways, the transition rakkity mentions would be easier, in other ways much, much, tougher.
It was interesting to watch the movie “TransAmerica” and find myself somewhat understanding the attitude of the (evil) trans-phobic parents. (“Why are you doing this to me?” — which of course is NOT the purpose, but the thought is there anyway!)
Anyone up for the (Gay) Pride march on the afternoon of our next “empty nest” get-together? I’m thinking of walking with the PFLAG folks this year. They seem equipped to handle questioning parents of gender-questioning youth.
What?
Comment by FierceBaby — May 6, 2007 @ 6:58 pm
Usually people with nothing to say are hard to avoid and corner you for hours, but it’s hard to get to this entry that says nothing, and is called nothing. Well, it’s hard to get BACK to it, at least.
Comment by jennifer — May 6, 2007 @ 7:40 pm
I’m having some trouble uploading from this motel in Mystic. Doesn’t matter much, the empty entry is more interesting than the photos I shot today.
Jennifer, if we were home the 20th, I’d go to the MFA with you.
Comment by michael — May 6, 2007 @ 9:29 pm
Thanks, I figured. Lew has agreed to come, and I got tickets. Neither Hilary nor Zeke will get home until Monday after the film festival is over. Oh, well.
Comment by jennifer — May 6, 2007 @ 9:54 pm
Though it is a family affair, it seems to me the parents might benefit the most from the discussion after the film. It’s hard to know.
A very close friend once described to me what food meant to her. Her words so graphic her description almost lurid, it altered my understanding of why some people eat. I was thinking this thing at the MFA might change my understanding of sexual orientation. Seems to me, given our earlier correspondence, I need a little of that.
Comment by michael — May 6, 2007 @ 10:29 pm
Well, this particular film comes at the end of almost two weeks of films about gender issues … maybe another one would speak to you. But as you say, it’s the parents who potentially would benefit the most, so in your case you don’t need to change plans.
Comment by jennifer — May 7, 2007 @ 6:19 am
I may have said what I said, but that doesn’t mean what I said was right.
You around June 2nd for the next dinner?
Comment by michael — May 7, 2007 @ 5:51 pm
Yes, we’ll be there. Now, were you inviting the reason we’re getting together (a.k.a. the college crowd)? I mean, it seems to me that by then, we may need to get away from them again.
Hey, is there any way to link this fascinating conversation back into the continuum of entries?
And finally, what did you mean by “I may have said what I said, but that doesn’t mean what I said was right.” I mean, I detected 1 error, 1 ambiguity, and 1 opinion statement on which I differ in the sentence “Though it is a family affair, it seems to me the parents might benefit the most from the discussion after the film” but … which thing wasn’t “right”, and do you mean accurate or moral?
Comment by jennifer — May 7, 2007 @ 6:44 pm
I do love how this non-entry has 9 comments. Make that 9.
Comment by PS — May 7, 2007 @ 6:45 pm
You’d make a good inquisitor at Abu Ghraib. I meant that on further reflection I’m not confident about any of my opinions.
What do you mean by continum of entries? Comments appear in recent comment fields. And when are you going to enlighten the rest of the readers? Or is this a private conversation between you and me.
I’m looking forward to reconnecting with all of Matt’s friends. Planning that camping trip as we speak.
Comment by michael — May 8, 2007 @ 9:27 am
I meant the forward/back arrows don’t work, and I can’t click on the blog entry title in the “recent commments” column because there isn’t one.
I was going to enlighten other readers when they express interest. So far, no apparent interest. I was thinking of mentioning that one of the suggested themes of the next potluck — sisters — is newly problematic for one of your invitees, but like I said, no apparent interest. Have you been getting off-line questions?
Of course, maybe the readers are worried about “How to Respect a Transsexual Person” so … here’s a useful link. http://www.kisa.ca/respect.html On the other hand, Hilary and I have agreed that the trans person we know and love doesn’t read the blog, so maybe I should have found a link for “How not to offend a trans person’s relatives”.
Comment by jennifer — May 8, 2007 @ 5:39 pm
Oops, that turned out to be a silencer. Is no one out there, or are you all worried about offending? Or can you not get to this conversation?
Comment by jennifer — May 8, 2007 @ 10:03 pm
And I seem to have a similar degree of success (at getting a conversation going) as an inquisitor at Abu Ghraib.
Comment by jennifer — May 9, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
This conversation all been oblique to the point of being opaque. But I’m as guilty of that as the next guy/sister.
Comment by rakkity — May 10, 2007 @ 2:30 pm
Oh, ok Rak. I’ll be a little less opaque. A month ago, if you’d asked me if I had children, I’d have said, “Yes, two daughters. They’re at college.” Or something like that. This week I have to decide whether to keep it simple (“two”), lie (lots of ways to do that), or tell a long or short truth because my firstborn child would like to be called by a name normally associated with the male gender. I think the person in question actually wants to challenge societal norms of gender as a binary rather than change from “female” to “male” … if you follow. And I think s/he knows that we won’t move from thinking about hir as a female unless ze goes beyond gender-neutral pronouns to male pronouns. But I’m actually not sure — just that use of male pronouns was requested, and that shopping help is being requested this weekend. (Help! What can other moms tell me about clothes-shopping with adult sons who have always hated to shop so much that they don’t?)
Do read that link in 11.
I’ll conclude by saying this hasn’t been my idea of a Mother’s Day present … but then again it was not intended as such. I remind myself this isn’t about me.
Comment by jennifer — May 10, 2007 @ 5:22 pm
Jennifer, my goodness, that’s a lot to absorb. I don’t quite know what to say. I will read your link. Was this a total surprise?
Comment by Chris — May 10, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
What a good response, Chris. As to surprise factor — about as much of a surprise as Lew getting laid off on Tuesday — that is to say: “Yes totally” and “Not really” at the same time. (I.e. Lew had been working with the people in Brazil who will do the department’s work for a few years now; and he’s been taking courses for a complete change of career, but still. And La Gata had been wearing guy clothes and talking about trans issues for years too, while denying she was thinking about it for herself. In fact — I had forgotten this — when she visited colleges, the question she asked the admissions people was how do they handle transgendered students. Again, she said it was just to get a sense of how open they were, not for any personal reasons, and I think that was true at the time.)
Comment by jennifer — May 10, 2007 @ 8:24 pm
“Yes totally” and “Not really”. That’s a great way to put it. You have a lot on your plate right now. I read your link and realized how ignorant I am myself. I am glad Zeke felt safe enough to share this with you.
Comment by Chris — May 10, 2007 @ 8:44 pm
Years ago, one of my astronomer friends made a gender transition. Initially it was very difficult for him, and he only cross-dressed at parties, so everyone thought he/she was just “partying”. But finally she came out as a real woman, and now everyone accepts her as she is–including the major corporation where she works and NASA.
I hope the reverse transition for your child works out as well. Being younger will make it harder, I suppose, but it’s important to enlist friends and relatives to give support.
Comment by rakkity — May 10, 2007 @ 9:51 pm
Jennifer and family,
I’m sure there is confusion on your part about what your child is thinking and feeling and how he has grappled with personal identity. I can’t imagine what you are going through; emapthy and sympathy for his struggle, worry and concern for his acceptedness in society, how you feel about it personally. But I do know that if any family can can manage this, it’s yours. You are open minded, accepting and loving.
My best to you all,
Jen
Comment by Jen — May 23, 2007 @ 10:00 am
Oh, yeah. Thanks, all.
He went to Matt’s hair person today, with La Chica’s support. Right now it seems that he wants to be considered male and called such by friends and family, but he doesn’t seem at all concerned that no one would guess he is male. I find that odd because I’ve known so many boys who felt humiliated to not be clearly identifiably male, and I’ve always felt embarrassed if I’m not sure whether someone I hear on the phone or meet in public is male or female. And my sense is that one part of one trans community uses and reinforces gender stereotypes while another part or another community is trying fiercely to undercut those same gender stereotypes. In some ways, the transition rakkity mentions would be easier, in other ways much, much, tougher.
It was interesting to watch the movie “TransAmerica” and find myself somewhat understanding the attitude of the (evil) trans-phobic parents. (“Why are you doing this to me?” — which of course is NOT the purpose, but the thought is there anyway!)
Anyone up for the (Gay) Pride march on the afternoon of our next “empty nest” get-together? I’m thinking of walking with the PFLAG folks this year. They seem equipped to handle questioning parents of gender-questioning youth.
Comment by jennifer — May 23, 2007 @ 8:37 pm
I’m totally there! I’m sure I could find some other like minded individuals to accompany us if you like. What’s the date?
Let us know if there is anything you need from us. I’m free for tea any time you are.
Comment by Jen — May 24, 2007 @ 7:50 pm