One Horrific Day
La Rad
To put it mildly….
Friday (yesterday), I dropped Michael off at school as is our usual routine at about 7:40 AM. When I was driving back home, there were police, ambulances the whole nine yards heading back in the direction I had just left. I never thought something happened at the High School, as I was just there and all seemed normal.
Michael called me at 9:00 AM as I was on my way out the door to bring Matthew to school. He said someone was stabbed in the boys bathroom. I said do you want me to come get you. He said the school was in lockdown and I couldn’t come get him. At that point, the kids didn’t know who the boys were that were involved or if the stabber was still in the building. An hour later my neighbor called and said the boy who was stabbed had died and they were releasing the kids. He came home somewhat shell shocked. He said they were all in the cafeteria for one hour, then the gym for another hour, then dismissed, with little information. It wasn’t until we saw the press conference that we got names. He was in the same grade with the boy who died but he was new to Sudbury and Michael didn’t know him. He didn’t know the stabber boy either. That boy is on the cover of the major newspapers today, as is his victim.
Everytime they said “15 year old Freshman at Lincoln-Sudbury High School…†I disassociated.
Very tragic for both families. The family of the boy that died, whose name is James, just moved here from Natick. I’m guessing they moved here for the school system. Horrible. The other boy has some serious special needs and doesn’t live in Sudbury, he attended the school through an outreach program. I have not gone anywhere in town, as I’m sure this is all that’s being discussed. Nothing like having the fact that no one is safe -anywhere -ever –brought right to your school’s boys room. Adding to the creepiness of it is that this episode took place in East House…the school is divided into four houses. Michael’s house is East House. It’s probably the bathroom he uses when he uses it. There was another kid in another stall as this was taking place. The stabber boy went into the East House office, blood on his hands yelling “it was an accidentâ€. A knife to the abdomen, heart and slashing of someone’s throat. Quite an accident. I feel so sorry for that kid too. Two lives over. He turned himself in without incident.
To the school’s credit, they did an EXCELLENT job containing those kids, telling them not to talk to the press and getting them out of there in an orderly fashion. Kudos to all of them for keeping our kids safe and for their compassion when I’m sure inside they felt the same feeling I did when Michael called to say someone had been stabbed. They brought hall monitors over from local schools (7 from Acton) to be on the safe side. As it turns out, the school JUST, two days ago, did a Lockdown training session. Prescient?
I am in an altered state by this. I am grateful he didn’t know either boy as that would make it ten times worse. After he came home yesterday he was either texting, IM’ing or on his cell all afternoon. I figure that’s his therapy. Networking. I asked him how he thought school would be come Monday and he said it would probably be very sad. “On one hand, a kid got killed there. But it’s still school.†They have grief counselors there this weekend. I asked him if he felt the need to go he said “No, but you canâ€. My wise son.
As for Matthew…he informed me he is never using the bathroom at school again.
I wonder what Monday will bring. Probably metal detectors.
While I am by no means comparing, I cannot fathom how Columbine recovered.
It IS all anybody’s talking about in town (and on the Net and airwaves). Tricia had a longish talk with a shellshocked LS student cashier at Star Market midafternoon today (whom she’d never met and may never see again, but today connections seem important). I didn’t think it through that your Michael would be so near to all this. Bless you both. Michael may be less “okay” than he thinks, but then again, we’ve had more than one Columbine on which to think in the meantime. The innocence of youth has a very different bell curve than in my day …
Comment by adam and tricia — January 20, 2007 @ 4:49 pm
Thanks very much for sharing this today. I hope it will be useful as part of your recovery. I don’t know that Monday will bring metal detectors, and I’m rather amazed that we teachers in a neighboring-town middle school didn’t know about it until we were on the way home. Of course, we’re a school which managed to keep our students completely unaware of the events of 9/11 until the end of the school day, too.
One of the many things which requires delicate debriefing is the Asperger’s Syndrome connection. It’s clear to me (as a middle school teacher) that what would seem (to most people) like very mild teasing and/or very mild response by classmates to the annoying obsessions and habits of the (alleged) perpetrator must have appeared as major affronts or challenges. And teachers really aren’t allowed to talk directly about diagnoses and differences. I mean, we are charged with creating an atmosphere of acceptance of all kinds of differences without being permitted to talk about particular difficulties that classmates have. So if, say, John Doe really doesn’t recognize non-verbal cues about how annoying he’s being, and the teacher doesn’t seem to hold him accountable the same way as s/he holds other students accountable for his actions, other students are left to (gossip together and) deduce that John is “different” and perhaps to deduce that he has Asperger’s. Meanwhile there’s been an article a boy who killed someone else and who has Asperger’s (and there are articles about similarities to Columbine — trench coat, dark glasses, loner, obsession with violence). So the message kids get is “avoid kids who are different, especially kids with Asperger’s” and teachers can’t even talk about any of that with their classes. I mean, I guess we can talk very abstractly, but we can’t say — “yeah, John Doe has Asperger’s and doesn’t realize when he’s ticking you off, but did you notice, his obsession is about (whatever).” Or “Actually, John has (such-and-such) and that’s a different thing altogether. Here’s how you interact with him.”
Sorry if this was incoherent … or offensive.
Comment by Jennifer — January 20, 2007 @ 4:57 pm
Oh, I remembered the other thing that bothered me … la Rad, aren’t you pissed as hell that they didn’t let the kids know whether the stabber was still in the building? I guess they knew the stabber wasn’t with them in lockdown.
Comment by Jennifer — January 20, 2007 @ 5:01 pm
Adam and Tricia thanks for the kind words. Even as I re-read what I wrote it doesn’t feel real. I don’t know how Michael will process it all. He’s such a quiet kid to begin with. I think kids need things to go back to normal, and once he’s back in the routine I assume the normalcy will outweigh the horror. At least I hope so. I want his first day back over with so badly. We’ve been instructed to look at the L-S website Monday morning to see if school will be cancelled. Also, midterms are scheduled for next week, starting Tuesday. I assume those will be moved up.
Jennifer, I don’t find it offensive. I deliberately didn’t mention the Asperger’s and the press shouldn’t have mentioned it either. Asperger’s kids are more likely to be on the receiving end of this behavior. I’m sure there is another diagnosis involved here. All this Asperger’s talk will only add to people’s preconceptions about this disease. My dear friend’s son has Asperger’s, and she and I haven’t talked about what happened yesterday at all. I’m sure it’s killing her that they are making such a huge fuss about the Asperger’s aspect.
My reporting error. By the end of lockdown, the kids knew that the stabber was in custody as Dr. Ritchie, the principal, announced it. They knew the boy died not from an announcement, but because by that point parents had seen the news and were calling their kids cells and letting them know.
Comment by Chris — January 20, 2007 @ 5:53 pm
Awful, Chris, for all concerned. What ever happened to the safe and secure childhood? Was it a myth to begin with? In any case, I’m sorry that you and your kids and your town and our world offers everyone so much horror to deal with. Hope normalcy resumes soon so that the kids remember that events like this are the sad exception, not the rule.
And thanks, Jennifer, for sharing your thoughtful considerations.
Comment by anon — January 20, 2007 @ 8:07 pm
How can one recover from such a terrible incident? One may well wonder if or how Columbine recovered. I don’t think the students or parents every really did recover.
The name “Columbine”, which I used to associate with the beautiful alpine flower, now triggers memories I wish I could forget.
Comment by rakkity — January 21, 2007 @ 11:42 am
SirR — There’s a question for you on Westward Ho! (part 3) that you’ve missed. Not as important as this, but on the other hand, it’s something that CAN be answered.
Comment by Jennifer — January 21, 2007 @ 2:01 pm
Rakkity, Your comment actually got me out of my house today. You asked how can one recover from this terrible incident. I needed that answer, so decided to take advantage of the fact that there were “grief counselors” available at the high school today.
As I drove to the high school all flags were at half mast in town. When I got there, the parking lot was full, there was a small police presence, and a memorial of candles and flowers in front of the school.
Those grief counselors were in fact the teachers. I walked in and was greeted by a teacher who said “how can we help you today”. I said “how can we help you”. And we had this wonderful diaglog about the horror of it all. She said that Wednesday afternoon they had just completed lockdown training. They of course knew it was coming and when the principal came over the intercom and said “teachers gather students” or something like that, with the scenario being that an administrator had been shot and the gunman was still in the school. So they did whatever it was they were told to do. Come Friday morning, it was a housemaster who came over the intercom and said “teachers gather students” and she thought, ‘wait a minute, we just had lockdown training, are we doing it again and no one told me.’ She said they were all incredibly well prepared for the incident and in a way it was easier because they knew the kid who did it was in custody.
I inquired as to why, given the stabbers intense psych history, that he was allowed to attend public school. She said no one knew he was violent. She said she spoke to his psychologist who referred to this as a hopefully once in a career “therapeutic nightmare” because he didn’t exhibit violent tendencies. Oddness does not constitute expulsion. That is me saying that, not her.
I asked her what Monday would bring. School doesn’t start until 9:30, then there will be meetings with faculty and students, and classes in the afternoon. Tuesday and Wednesday will bring “normalcy” in that classes will resume as usual and midterms will start Thursday.
She and I hugged, this teacher who I may or may not ever see again. Then I went over to Bill Ray (Martin’s father) and he and talked about how this was a situation of the teachers and kids and parents all feeling the same way. Then we talked about our kids at UMass. And that felt normal.
So Rakkity, I guess this is how you recover. As a community. Everyone going through the same thing and getting through it so our kids can feel safe again. There is a vigil for James tonight at the high school. There is a “face book” page that students created for him on the internet. He wasn’t well known but still the students planned this makeshift service for him tonight.
The L-S students also created a face book page called “Dr. Ritchie is amazing”. He is their principal and I cannot say enough about how this man has held his school together.
Comment by La Rad — January 21, 2007 @ 3:02 pm
Chris, I’m so glad you did that (and wrote us about it).
BTW, I thought the article in today’s Globe was really pretty good … what did you think?
Comment by Jennifer — January 21, 2007 @ 3:49 pm
Jennifer, thank you for bringing the article to my attention. It was good in the sense that as I stated yesterday, everybody relax about the Asperger’s.
What I got out of the rest of the article is that if a kid mentions to your kid that they wonder what it’s like to kill somebody, tell your kid to tell you, even if the person they are talking to is a little wacky. I suppose it’s possible he never expressed his desire to kill to his therapist.
As this whole matter has progressed, I am not proud to say I have gone from feeling very sorry for that boy to despising him for the devistation he has caused. It has nothing to do with what I’ve read about him. I am experiencing this first hand. I can say to my kids he was a very sick kid and that’s why he did this, but frankly it’s just not okay to kill someone. The still untainted part of me says he was let down somewhere down the line in his life and how did he get to this point. But the tainted part says it really doesn’t matter…
In any event, thank you everybody who has responded to me both on this blog and off. I appreciate it very much.
Michael, fyi, your emails are all coming back to me as “undeliverable”, though I have gotten yours.
Comment by Chris — January 21, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
It has felt strangely peaceful around here.
Comment by michael — January 21, 2007 @ 7:37 pm
Now that I have your other address you can say goodbye to the peace!
Comment by Chris — January 22, 2007 @ 5:45 pm
That was quite an email. You ought to share it. This story’s not going to end for some time.
Comment by michael — January 22, 2007 @ 8:47 pm
“It’s a whole different place now”.
Michael came home today visibly upset and said it was “so sad” at school. Everywhere there were tears. It turns out he and James were in two of the same classes, social studies and band. Again, the school support was amazing. What the school did was have counselors follow the schedule of both James and his killer (for the record, everytime I refer to him as the killer Michael says “his name is Jack”) to each of their respective classes, so that the first time our kids had their class without these two kids, there would be support. Michael said it was low key, those who had questions or comments asked them. But mostly people cried. His social studies teacher lost it (she is an Iranian immigrant who fled during the revolution…so this probably evokes some equally god awful thing to her). His band teacher was out of sorts and doesn’t know what to do, but wants to do something – the kids suggested a concert in honor of James who played trumpet.
They found out today that James has a sibling in the Middle School and one in Elementary School. They wanted James’ parents to get to both of those schools and inform their children what happened to their brother before word got out. So that delayed the kids being dismissed last Friday any earlier than they were. How goddamn sad.
Michael said he too cried today. He said you couldn’t help it, everyone all around you was crying. Everything and everybody was quiet. He said in gym people just lied down on the floor.
I was very pleased to hear that one of his teachers made it a point to point out that Asperger’s had nothing to do with this.
Someone in Michael’s skills class said that people made fun of Jack a lot because he said stupid things. But that same person said she would be nice to him when he would show her magic tricks. He sounds like a 6 year old in the body of a 16 year old. And I am back to feeling sorry for him again. What a roller coaster.
Michael said walking through the part of the building where it all happened was ‘scary’ and that everybody felt scared. That would be “B” building, where East House is. He said he did use a bathroom, over in “A” building. The bathroom where it all occurred has not been blocked off,but he said something about teachers being “around” it today. Monitoring it I assume.
Dr. Ritchie, our stellar superintendent/principal, who began the day with all the kids in the gym, ended his speech by saying “I Love You, the teacher’s love you and we will keep you safe. You don’t have to worry”. Everyone clapped for him. He too broke down when talking about this. He played a message Duval Patrick left on the voice mail.
I ache for my son. As a rule he doesn’t say much, so I was very happy that he shared as much as he did with me. He is so sad and on the verge of tears, I wish he would just go cry his eyes out (much like I have been). I told him it was important to get this day over with because it would be the most intense…I hope that’s true. I was quite taken with his empathy for Jack.
What a nightmare.
An aside: The following came home from school today. Too much maybe? I don’t know whether to go or not.
Community Meeting at Lincoln Sudbury
 At 7:30pm on Thursday, January 25 there will be a community meeting in the auditorium of Lincoln Sudbury to discuss the tragic events of January 19. ALL members of the Lincoln, Sudbury and Boston Metco communities are encouraged to attend – this is not just a school meeting. While the agenda is not finalized, District Attorney Gerry Leone, grief counselor Diane Moran, public safety, Selectmen and School Committee members from Lincoln and Sudbury will join the Lincoln Sudbury School Committee and Superintendent John Ritchie in updating the community on our response to events.
Comment by Chris — January 23, 2007 @ 2:24 am
This wonderful follow-up made me cry too.
Comment by anon — January 23, 2007 @ 6:42 pm
Me too. Chris, I do think you should go to the meeting. If only to report on it to us … (I’m really grateful for all the reporting so far.) No, seriously, you don’t know what might be different because you go or don’t go, but I think your presense (as a thoughtful parent without a particular agenda) would be valuable, and I think you might notice something that might not get reported accurately.
How was today at school?
Comment by Jennifer — January 23, 2007 @ 7:03 pm
Chris, thanks so much for these moving windows into the experience. Even with alums for kids, out here it’s another news story and something to “ponder” and discuss, but to hear you and your son pushing through it all makes it so much more real, even/especially your near schizophrenia about Jack. You wear your heart eloquently on your sleeve, for which we are indebted.
Comment by adam and tricia — January 23, 2007 @ 7:07 pm
Ditto.
Comment by michael — January 23, 2007 @ 8:20 pm
Michael said things were more “normal” today-no tears and full classes. He certainly seemed better and if he’s better I’ll be better. Resilience is a wonderful thing and kids have it more than adults. Or more than this adult.
I am still debating whether or not to go Thursday, basically because I want to bury this as it hurts too much thinking about it. Anything can happen anytime, to us or worse to our kids, and we all need to try to suppress this knowledge otherwise life will be unbearable.
So there you go, that’s my goal. Suppression. If I do go Thursday, I will let you know how it went.
Again, thanks for the support. Documenting this on the blog has been helpful for me.
Comment by Chris — January 23, 2007 @ 8:54 pm
Fair enough. No, more than fair; and thanks again.
Comment by Jennifer — January 23, 2007 @ 9:11 pm
One more update (read: levity), my 10 year old who announced last Friday that he would “never use the bathroom at school again” is back to using the bathroom at school. He did report some controversy concerning one of the girls rooms. Apparently, a girl wrote on one of the doors in the bathroom “nobody is allowed to bring anything into this bathroom that doesn’t belong here”. I think this is a fine elementary school way of saying ‘no knives allowed’. What a world.
Comment by La Rad — January 23, 2007 @ 10:42 pm
Well, did you go?
Comment by michael — January 27, 2007 @ 10:52 am
La Rad, as usual catching up late on the blog, but just read through this entire thread.
As others have said, so different, news, when it touches you at 0 or 1 degree of separation. Your and your kids’ personal closeness to this tragic event made me cry too.
Sarah (fresh with new baby and an LS alum) was stunned that this could happen at her old school.
Thanks for sharing all of this.
Comment by smiling Dan — January 27, 2007 @ 12:32 pm
I did not go. But I heard about it. Apparently stabber Jack had some history of violence. How much the town knew about this in advance is in question. Which now will put an onus on those kids enrolled in the same program he was, which is too bad. Dr. Ritchie spoke of getting a message on his voice mail from an Asperger’s student who said “I have Asperger’s, I hope people don’t think I’m violent now”…things of that nature.
James’ parents wrote an incredibly lovely obituary for their son whose services were private. They requested that anyone who had an interaction with their son that they wanted to share, or even a remark, to please send it to a PO Box in Sudbury. I was so touched by that.
Jack’s parents have been allowed to visit him just once at the Plymouth facility he is in…behind glass. Apparently for the first 11 days no new prisoners can have visitors.
The other boy who was in the bathroom at the time of the stabbing happens to be the son of one of the L-S teachers. I wonder how he and his mother are doing with all of this.
On and on with the sadness. But Michael said other than the “very nice” memorial that is at the school for James (“it looks really nice when the candles are all lit”), things are back to ‘normal’. I’m glad he feels that way, though he is constantly on my radar screen.
Comment by La Rad — January 27, 2007 @ 11:02 pm