Dear Bill,

So, how are we coming? I’m assuming you’ve finished your downstairs bathroom, but still have to tile upstairs. The chopstick comes out of my finger tomorrow so I’m ready when you are.

Say, when are you going to write another story for the blog?

Michael

Dear Mike,

When the chopstick is out, and you can hit the right key on the billing data base, please send me the correct bill. Granted, the Christmas gift I gave John was pretty weak. But still and all, I don’t feel like paying his bill for his garage leveling and siding. I do owe you a sheckle or two, but even as you come from the John Joyce school of billing, I reject paying for someone else’s job. Ya know, 15 years ago, when we were trying out the name TGH, Inc, (Two Guys Hammering), I told you I could devise a computer program to do the billing. It might have been better, on the 256K, Lotus 123, DOS based program PC I had. Maybe not, but it would have been able to tell the difference between I lewis and B lewis. I figure I owe more like $75. Or maybe more. Let me know.

Our Xmas card delivery was pretty sketchy this year. And my best intentions, unrealized, were to visit or at least call you guys on Christmas morning, but it didn’t happen. I missed our annual visit; seeing your holiday house, trying to level the pool table, listening to a new CD, having a taste of whatever new single malt you were serving, and most of all, having a traditional time to catch up with you.

I got a chop box, home owners 10″ size, for Christmas, so I can now go back and refine the shaky angles I cut for the ceiling trim. Almost done. Seems like the oomph is gone, as the bath is functional and as I sit on the pot each morning, not bad to look at. Can’t seem to finish.

I’ll write the story, you tell me what to write about.

Bill

Dear Bill,

One year, many years ago, which wipes about the senior moment excuse, I sent a bill with a date like 1968. The customer saw it as more evidence of my incompetence and fired me. I trust you can differentiate between my window trim skill and my billing program and continue to hire me for your fun two man jobs. Especially those which require working in your attic on scorching summer days, or in the way-to-close confines of your bathroom where I’ll wonder why I can’t pick up a hammer until I realize I was trying to use your hand, not mine.

Mike

P.S. How about your yearly student story which begins, “Have I ever told you about the time I almost died?”