Stray Elephants
Dr. Herson walked back to where I was sitting and opened his textbook to a page of black and used-to-be-white graphs. He angled his straight edge so that it would intersect my age with my treadmill results.
“See, this shows that you are in good shape for your age, even if not for you.â€
“I’ve exercised all my life, but I’ve been fallow the last few months. And my diet – it’s the worst it has ever been.â€
“But your chest pains are not due to any blockage. That’s what this stress test showed, and you were able to tolerate level four, which is good for your age.â€
The treadmill is programed to respond to data input. It increases in speed and in elevation depending on heart rate. As I stepped along, Dr. Herson gabbed. I’d ask him a question and he’d drift into long, convoluted answers, as if I had an inkling of what he was talking about. The faster the treadmill spun, the longer the answers and the less sense they made.
While he scribbled pictures of my arteries with little mounds of plaque, I concentrated on not letting go of the handrails and appearing to have an easy walk-in-the-park. I’d dreaded this test, not only for what it might show inside my arteries, but for what it would reveal to the casual observer. A near bedridden slug.
“You know, that textbook looks like something I used in college.â€
“Ah yes. It has sentimental value.â€
“Sentimental value? But what about new information? I mean, think of what you learned in medical school that is worthless today?â€
“These values don’t change. This book was published in 1973 and it would take a hundred thousand years of human evolution to change these values.â€
It’s funny how this purported stress test really doesn’t show stress, which is what I had hoped to be the cause of my chest pains. When I first sat down, I told Dr. Herson as much, because I knew my symptoms veered from classic textbook descriptions. Still, elephants straying from the Serengeti to my sternum are hard to ignore.
“You should do something to lower your cholesterol levels, but you know, some people have high serum levels, but don’t deposit in on their arteries. Still, your LDL is too high.â€
I could see the wrap-up coming in his eyes, but I had another topic to discuss.
“I’ve got one more thing.â€
He paused. I assumed he was busy, so I tried to condense as best as possible , my little story. It came out in chunks.
“I worked here twenty-five years ago as a respiratory therapist. There was a resuscitation in the CCU which we worked together on. It was a man in his forties. He was admitted and right away he arrested. I’d seen him sitting up, talking to his wife and son, and as we worked on him, his son, who had been ushered out of the room, asked if he could come back in. You said, ‘Yes.’ ”
“I do remember that, but the details are vague. You know, that’s what they are recommending these days, that family members participate more. It really depends on the age. Teenagers, I’d still say no to.â€
“You were ahead of your time. I’d been part of two hundred or so resuscitations by then, and that was a first. No physician had ever let a family member watch. But, here was his son, barely twenty years old, whispering in his father’s ear, begging him to come back.
After it was over I complimented you for letting him into the room, and you said, ‘How could I say no?’ I was glad you didn’t say no, because I thought afterwards that his son would have no if-only’s. He came in and he did everything he could to bring his father back.â€
Let me get this straight. Your doctor is someone with whom you worked occasionally (as a respiratory therapist) 25 years ago? And you both remember at least vaguely one particular failed resuscitation attempt? Have you discussed before that you worked together then?
So, what IS causing the chest pain?
One more question, on another topic altogether. I’ve suddenly begun to receive a whole lot of spam in German … is that happening to anyone else?
Comment by jennifer — May 15, 2005 @ 7:20 pm
Mike,
You didn’t say anything about going and going
on the treadmill until you’re about to keel over,
at which point the doctor stops you. Not having done a stress test myself, I’m intrigued by the process. I’ve always wondered, how many people come close to dying on that treadmill?
Quoth the doc,
ìYou should do something to lower your cholesterol levels…” Duh.
Comment by rakkity — May 16, 2005 @ 11:51 am
Hadda go way back to get to the text of the referenced story (“Sirens”, in which your doc, the then attending, was never named, BTW). Still a damn good read, though, and much gentler, though as sad, as the “loud, firm voice” in the slightly prior “Turn the Page”:
ìWho is here for Diane Reed?
ìSheÃs dead.î
And speaking of elephants, the one in the current corner is wearing a plainly legible placard that says, “Mikey — what’d you find out about your chest pains?”. And what’s the doc doing subjecting you to a stress test, anyway? Isn’t your own life enough of a stress test these days?
Comment by archivist — May 16, 2005 @ 12:11 pm
He is a cardiologist I was referred to. I had not seen him in twenty-five years and I know he didnÃt remember me. He seemed pleasantly surprised by my memories. YouÃd a remembered that one too… if you were me.
I get attacked by a different country every few days. Not me, personally, but the blog.
Since the pain in my chest is mostly at night, and usually awakens me from a deep sleep, IÃm beginning to think it might be Diane pounding on me to stop my snoring.
The depth and breadth with which archivist reads the blog (yes, I am flattered), reminds me of a short conversation I had with Diane.
ìWho is Rennie?î
ìRennie was the space alien in The Day The Earth Stood Still. It was his job to tell the earthlings that unless they stopped their evil and violent ways, he would reduce the planet to a cinder. He demonstrated his power by stopping all things electrical.î
ìDo you think anyone will get that reference?î
ìOnly rakkity.î
My apologies to archivist, who was born nine years after the movie’s release.
What do any of us do for stress? Have another Jameson’s.
Comment by michael — May 16, 2005 @ 8:27 pm
Strange that Mike, who affords precious little space in his neural net storage for cinematic trivia, would remember and reference the obscure actor, Michael Rennie, and not the more famous alien character he plays in TDTESS, Klaatu. The latter a name made immemorial in the words of his gienormous silver robot sidekick, Gort, as they depart our barbarous ‘hood:
“Klaatu barada nikto”.
A phrase never translated in the film, and not even present in the story that inspired it, but much bandied about for its possible translations. My own: perhaps, “Let’s blow this frikkin’ popsicle stand, Klaatu my man.”
Yours is a mysterious multiverse, Michael…..
Comment by archivist — May 18, 2005 @ 9:14 am