Life Support
Jennifer
My daughter at college was on my mind after the blog about what people have read. (I canÃt deal with reading any of the recommended reading though.) I was thinking about sharing some of our important early read-alouds: The Wonderful Adventures of Nils, Mary Poppins (the BOOKS, *N*O*T* the movie!), and The Jungle Book. That really has nothing to do with the next part, except that she rarely calls, and then she did.
She didnÃt want to talk to me, just her sister. Whatever it was, Hilary didnÃt want to do it; she suggested a friend now at Oberlin; then another relative. Eventually, I got back on the phone. It turned out she needed to fill out her health care proxy form for a class, and she felt parents were too irrational about their kids. I listened. Her: ìI mean, have you seen that woman in Florida? SheÃs like a trained seal. 15 years …î Me: ìWait a minute. Remember me? Remember the parrot?î (I had to remind her about the parrot, but she got it. You folks can just look back some days on the blog*) ìSo, mom, have you guys filled out your health care proxy?î (No. So sheÃll bring forms home next break.)
And then the conversation with her dad: Me: ìShe needed someone to be her health care proxy.î Him: ìYou know, you have to be careful. She may not feel loved, if you agree to cut off life-support.î ìI had to remind her about the parrot in order to pass.î (I had to remind him about the parrot too. He doesnÃt read the blog either.)
ìDid you know the parrot at Brandeis is the smartest parrot in the world? ItÃs been being trained for 25 years, by students.î ìItÃs the smartest, or it can do the most?î I started thinking, I bet 3 year-olds could learn way more than most of them do, except that they only spend a year being 3. Would that make them smarter?
* Reprinted from an earlier blog post:
“I once went into an exotic pet store with La Chica, age 6ish. She wanted a parrot or something like it. I was relieved that the prices were such that clearly we weren’t going there, but trying to be polite to the salesman. He bragged something along the lines of “They have the intelligence of a three-year-old, and they live to 40.” (My numbers may be off by a factor of 2.) I couldn’t think of a worse fate. Even La Chica seemed daunted. “
Health care proxy for your daughter. That’s just too damn scary to think about. But so necessary, that case in Florida being the perfect example. I don’t want any Bush family members making decisions for my child and they (the Bushes) keep proliferating, they’ll be everywhere before we know it. Your husband had an excellent point. But I would want to be the one regardless of what my daughter would want which I suppose is incredibly disrespectful and would make for a far less civil conversation. Did she make a decision?
Comment by chris — March 8, 2005 @ 2:36 pm
Decision about health care proxy? Yes, I passed. (For amusement, I briefly imagined her friend at Oberlin trying to ignore our wishes.) Decision about the criteria on which to end it all? Apparently, one is encouraged not to give specific instructions. The scenario that occurs is never exactly the one specified. So, it makes more sense to talk in a general way: “15 years as a trained seal at best is at least 7 too many.” There need to be a few more conversations; there’s other dimensions of scenarios.
Comment by jennifer — March 8, 2005 @ 7:34 pm