Mark Queijo

As usual there are so many sagas leading up to and surrounding the surgery, but I promised to keep this short. 7:30AM we arrived at Heywood hospital in Gardner MA for the pre-surgery check in. The surgery was scheduled for 9:00. Why they needed me in so early is a mystery, although I suspect it is to make sure I am subject to the correct amount of discomfort and embarrassment.

The first step is to strip you of all clothes and get you into a butt crack revealing gown. Why can’t I keep my underwear on? They are doing surgery on my knee, right? Why do I have to change at all, I came in wearing shorts. Then there is the temp and blood pressure check. Temp was somewhere around Maine in October, the blood pressure machine wasn’t working. They no longer do it the old fashioned way with the stethoscope, pressure†arm band†and a watch with a second hand, no, it’s all computerized and digitized, and of course it doesn’t work. Probably has a virus.

Meanwhile the nurse tells us a story about the guy going in for surgery. When they asked him to remove all of his jewelry, they forgot to be specific enough to make sure he removed his penis stud. Did I mention the whole Heywood experience was the most fun I’ve had in years?

Next was the anesthesiologist. A grey haired frazzled looking English bloke who told me the following:

“You have three options, local anesthesia, a spinal, or general anesthesia. We could do local, but we don’t do them very often, so we’re not that good at them. We could do a spinal, but like the local, we don’t do them that often, so…. Or you could have the general. We do them quite frequently and are pretty good at them.”

My surgeon had already told me he recommended the general because he wanted to make sure the knee was totally relaxed, but I enjoyed the anesthesiologist’s sense of humor. When they got me into the OR and had me settled into a very comfortable table with a nice headrest, I asked the anesthesiologist if I should count down from a hundred or something. He said it wouldn’t be necessary. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room.

The entire process (now 8 days later) was without nausea, pain, or any discomfort at all. Thanks Michael for the tips, I took my pain meds like clockwork even though I was never in any pain.

To anyone who needs time off, but doesn’t have any vacation time, I highly recommend short term disability! Have Knee surgery!

The next saga is asking Jan to cut my hair. Lucky I have two weeks for the bald spot to grow back!