Dear Henry,

I loved your fall description. Here’s a photo that hints at our colorful light displays. I know, you’ll feel like you’ve been dragged back to photosigmoidoscopy…

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I didnít intentionally ignore Joan Cass’s directions; I defaulted to something that would allow me to resume breathing. Listening to the other stories in class, I thought, I can never make up something and have it believable. That, however, does not mean I wonít try.

Here is this Thursdayís assignment:

ìTake any piece you are working on now, and create a diversion for your characters. It would be best if you could take a climactic scene and introduce into the middle of it something that has to be dealt with immediately òmaybe a screaming child, or a fire, or an interfering acquaintance. In this last case, the person who interrupts the scene might take the part of one or the other of the central characters, or put his/her own interpretation on the problem and insist it be settled that way.î

Iíve got to slither off and do my writing but while Iím away Iíve got a story from yet another guest blogger. This one with explicit permission. This one that might encourage one more guest submission. I’ll post it tomorrow.

One more thing. Robert, the Blue Hillís teacher, sent back my copy of ìClemencyî with his edits and these comments:

Dear Michael,

I enjoyed ì Clemencyî for its solid dramatic narrative. You had a genuine story to tell here and you handled the storytelling well, though I noted on the paper a few things I thought could be clarified. I especially like the way you link the camping trip and your experience with the overturned car years earlier.

Our group brought up a number of suggestions at the workshop, but in general I feel you could do more to establish the tension of the family scene after the accident. The fatherís voice finally becomes significant to you at the end of the essay but the reader never hears his voice. Maybe more dialogue throughout would help. Instead of simply stating that you frequently argue with your brother, why not let us hear a sample of a typical conversation?

When you find good active verbs to use your descriptions can be excellent, quite accomplished, as I point out in the opening paragraph of Chapter II. A very nice piece of prose! But note how often ìisî and ìwasî appear throughout you opening paragraphs. The effect can be monotonous and repetitive. Iíd try rewriting your opening paragraphs by doing what you did in the paragraph that opens Chapter II.

If you take another shot at this, would you return the essay to me? We may be assembling another (though larger) collection of workshop writing this year and Iíd like to consider ìClemencyî if we do. Iíll let you know what happens.

Bob